Mind Alterations

Can I have an order of drugs, drugs, drugs, and also some drugs? Oh, can I have an extra side of druggie sauce to go?

They are all around me. They surround me. Sometimes, they even haunt me. Straight up, I don't take any mind altering substances other than things that I have been put on by "doctor's orders," although these drugs fascinate me. I have plenty of friends that are abusers, and that have offered, but fear keeps me away.

What is so special about these highs? I wonder. I've learned that you can get a high off of basically anything and that they come in an array of forms. Powder, plants, condensed air, pills, liquids... taken by your nose, mouth, veins, and whatever else you can put drugs into. The devices people use are crazy... beautifully crafted glass "bongs", classic looking pipes, a doctor's needle, even a straw. Do you like whipped cream? Ha, imagine what you can do with that device. It amazes me the endless possibilities there are, but yet the area remains foreign to me. Untouched. "Taboo."

I probably will never experience the "powder," the "M's," or the other crazy crap people put into their bodies for mental alteration, so instead I will question what their experiences were. Feel free to post without your name and enlighten me. It's interests me.

A lost Passion?

When I was younger, all I wanted to do was dance. Even throughout high school, with every career path I considered, I tried to tie it into dance. Business woman? Own a studio. Teacher? Teach within a studio. I just wanted to dance.

How did I lose focus? When did I lose my focus? WHY the loss? What can be more important than my passion, my outlet, or my health? You might think I'm being slightly over dramatic, but then you don't full understand my attachment, my need for dancing. People have their different ways of stress relief. Some go to a spa, or have retail therapy. Many turn to drugs and addictions for an escape. Well I had my dancing. My only way to get out the aggressive tensions that would build up. My only way to forget about the assholes I had to deal with. Dancing was my addiction. I needed it.

I danced in a studio since I was four. When I was ten, I took a hiatus because my family moved to Florida. Then I started back in studio when I was sixteen, but even in my hiatus I danced in my church and school. I loved to dance so much, that I would be excited when I was left home alone, because that meant I could dance freely with my music blasting. Constantly dancing. There were days that I had dance class at school, after school, then off to church or studio for some more training. It was the only thing I had.

So what happened? I came to college and poof, my escape was gone, and let me tell you it took effect. Depression unfortunately runs in my family and needs to be medicated for my mother. I never really had time to realize my depression spells, because whenever I was sad, I'd just dance. I can't do it anymore. Instead of dancing, I just lock myself in my room and turn into this either emotional hot mess, or a soul-less creature. Granted, the adjustment to college didn't go as smoothly as I'd hoped; with family deaths, bad relationships, and awful grades, but I never thought I could get to that point. Anyway, depression spells are a different topic...

I'm just curious as to how I could stray away from something I love so dearly. It frustrates me, and if there's one piece of advice that I could give, it is that you should never allow anything to get in the way of your escape. Hopefully I can reunite with my passion soon.

The Start of a Blog?

Am I a blogger? I figured in this day and age, people don't usually take the time to write in their diaries anymore. I do have a journal, perfectly placed next to my bed for some bedtime writing, but it rarely ever goes to use. Seeing how I am constantly online (thanks to my facebook addiction) I came to conclusion that and online journal was appropriate. Now, since this is open to the public I must hinder what I post on here. That is the only downfall, however I will have an outlet for general topics, and I can always substitute names. Well then, I must be working on a project, but my first opinionated blog will be posted soon. Thank you for your interest.