Can you please stop bursting my bubble?

No. No. NO. no. No. nO. NOOOOO!!!

Why is it that the word "no" comes up so much in the English language? You may also know it as "impossible", "Not a chance", or "keep dreaming". All these variations of "no" come up constantly within a day's time, even in an hour, but why?

When I was younger, I was full of aspirations and I tended to share my dreams with my mother. Of course I got the smile and the "keep dreaming" or some other remark with the indication that it would never happen. My dream was apparently unobtainable. I never understood why she kept shooting down all my ideas, but maybe it was to protect me?

Who gave YOU the power to shut down MY ideas? Yeah, maybe I said I wanted to grow wings one day and fly around the world, which I wouldn't, but still why is it that you put on this face like I'm either nuts or telling a joke? For some unexplainable reason we tend to shut down each other's ideas.

Stop hindering my greatness! I bet when Ben Franklin said "hey, I'm going to stick this kite in the air and discover electricity" I bet someone laughed at him, but then he didn't it. Yeah, take that you jerk! I guess we can view other people's doubt as motivation to do better, or to actually achieve the task. In that case, keep doubting me so I achieve all I want.

Thanks Mom for doubting me!

Robbing me of time...

Why is it that my time with Ben, the current boyfriend, is being taken from me? Why am I so robbed of the time with him? UGHHHH, I'm currently hating on India right now for stealing him from me.

At least there's a chance that he'll return. High hopes, fingers crossed, and buying a rabbit's foot. He's absolutely amazing, and too good to lose. The kid just walked up to me, kissed me, and said I was beautiful. The simplicity of our relationship is so refreshing. I can't pass what we have up....

Stay strong little girl...

Is it love?

So what exactly defines love? Before you continue to read, please take this time to let me know what you think, or what you fell love is.

How do I define love? Well, I'm not so sure anymore. There's love and being in love, and I thought I had been in love twice before, but maybe not. The "Can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kinda stuff" maybe hasn't happened for me. I know, I'm confusing, but let me explain my past "loves."

First there's boyfriend A, the first boyfriend. He fit perfectly into my family. I mean like the missing puzzle piece that my family wanted me to fine. He is about a year and a half older than me, very strong willed, and cuban. Gotta have that hispanic in you. My grandmother even loved him. Was I in love with him or was I in love with him fitting perfectly into my planned out life? Either way, I do love him in a 'I'll make sure you're okay' kind of way, but our relationship ended after over two years, and now he's engaged.

Secondly, there's boyfriend B. He happened three weeks after the break up of boyfriend A. He was my best friend before we dated. We were ALWAYS together, minus his honors and AP courses and my regular ones. We did have one class together, Physics. My favorite class, and now that I think about it, he helped it become my favorite class. This boyfriend was also the family type, and cuban. He was/is smart, caring, dorky, and a pretty good cook. Our relationship last seven months, and only distance broke us up. He stimulated me intellectually. I wanted to be as smart as he was, and in turn, my grades were much better. I couldn't possibly see us together now, but he is still one of my best friends. But was I in love with him? He was another boy that came with a "Daddy's Stamp of Approval," but I'm not sure if I liked him for myself, or because of the approval stamp. Maybe I did.

The source that caused these questions is my current boyfriend. I met him under unusual circumstances, and never really saw us dating, but definitely hanging out. We started talking, and he warned me that he was leaving to go out of the country pretty soon, and wasn't sure where his life would take him after that. I knew that with this guy I couldn't afford to get attached. I needed to control my emotions and just enjoy the ride. Well, that was a joke. I like him, because I LIKE HIM. I didn't search for the daddy stamp, that thought didn't even cross my mind, but now I'm in this rut. He's leaving and it sucks, because out of all boyfriends, or guys I've "dated," he makes me the happiest... and I'm losing him. Ugh. So that is why I wonder if I actually was in love with the others.

I'm not saying I'm in love with him... be he is loved. I'll never tell him that though.

So again, what is love?