How do I define love? Well, I'm not so sure anymore. There's love and being in love, and I thought I had been in love twice before, but maybe not. The "Can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kinda stuff" maybe hasn't happened for me. I know, I'm confusing, but let me explain my past "loves."
First there's boyfriend A, the first boyfriend. He fit perfectly into my family. I mean like the missing puzzle piece that my family wanted me to fine. He is about a year and a half older than me, very strong willed, and cuban. Gotta have that hispanic in you. My grandmother even loved him. Was I in love with him or was I in love with him fitting perfectly into my planned out life? Either way, I do love him in a 'I'll make sure you're okay' kind of way, but our relationship ended after over two years, and now he's engaged.
Secondly, there's boyfriend B. He happened three weeks after the break up of boyfriend A. He was my best friend before we dated. We were ALWAYS together, minus his honors and AP courses and my regular ones. We did have one class together, Physics. My favorite class, and now that I think about it, he helped it become my favorite class. This boyfriend was also the family type, and cuban. He was/is smart, caring, dorky, and a pretty good cook. Our relationship last seven months, and only distance broke us up. He stimulated me intellectually. I wanted to be as smart as he was, and in turn, my grades were much better. I couldn't possibly see us together now, but he is still one of my best friends. But was I in love with him? He was another boy that came with a "Daddy's Stamp of Approval," but I'm not sure if I liked him for myself, or because of the approval stamp. Maybe I did.
The source that caused these questions is my current boyfriend. I met him under unusual circumstances, and never really saw us dating, but definitely hanging out. We started talking, and he warned me that he was leaving to go out of the country pretty soon, and wasn't sure where his life would take him after that. I knew that with this guy I couldn't afford to get attached. I needed to control my emotions and just enjoy the ride. Well, that was a joke. I like him, because I LIKE HIM. I didn't search for the daddy stamp, that thought didn't even cross my mind, but now I'm in this rut. He's leaving and it sucks, because out of all boyfriends, or guys I've "dated," he makes me the happiest... and I'm losing him. Ugh. So that is why I wonder if I actually was in love with the others.
I'm not saying I'm in love with him... be he is loved. I'll never tell him that though.
So again, what is love?
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